You’re probably thinking, “She takes pictures of herself, she must love how she looks. Why does she need to talk about being insecure?” WRONG. I happen to love writing and find it cathartic. I also love fashion and style so that’s how this blog was born! But I’ll let you in on a little secret, I absolutely hate having my picture taken. I’m super self conscious, and tend to look away from the camera.
When I look through my pictures for the blog, I find so many flaws. I hate my legs, I hate my hair, I hate my nose, blah blah blah. On a daily basis, I find myself drawing attention to my “flaws”, staring aimlessly in the mirror, looking for reassurance from my husband that, “no, you don’t look big in those jeans.”
There are so many ways in our day to day lives that make us think that everyone else has it perfect. I find myself comparing my life to others – my house isn’t as big, my clothes aren’t as nice, etc. etc. Instagram is the perfect example of this. The family of 12 vacationing in Thailand managing to take beautiful pictures along the way? I can’t even get my kids to Disney World. Hell, I can barely get them to take a picture with me. How does the mom of five manage to get herself perfectly put together when I can somehow only manage to wear the same outfit three days in a row?
But then I remember to remind myself, is Instagram reality? In most cases, no. It is a minuscule sampling of what we project our lives to look like. We don’t really know what goes on behind anyone’s closed doors. Maybe they are dealing with insecurity and self consciousness the same way that I am? Maybe they are having marriage troubles? Maybe their eldest child was just diagnosed with ADD? We just don’t know because it’s not portrayed.
I had been struggling a lot recently in my own life with anxiety. Mom life had worn me down, and I was feeling like I wasn’t “keeping up with the Joneses” (more on that later). Then the guilt set in. Because when I sit back and examine my life. I really am so lucky, and so blessed – wonderful family all around, amazing kids, a great husband. So where is this insecurity stemming from?
Unfortunately, it’s our nature to compare ourselves to others, and, due to my own insecurities, I feel like I’m being judged more than most people are. While I am working constantly to become less insecure and less “aware” of what others think, it is a process. My husband is great at reminding me, “Who really cares what other people think?” So I just try to make that my daily mantra. When I feel my insecurities really taking hold, I STOP, and make myself think of three things that bring me joy. That joy has really helped dig me out of the insecure hole I was beginning to bury myself in.
No ones life is perfect. But the fact that I wake up every morning to two beautiful babies calling my name down the hall is pretty damn great. I just need to keep reminding myself that my greatest joy trumps all my other insecurities.
Do you struggle with insecurity? Lets chat!