You are Two

I can’t believe that you are two.

And you are such the second kid. I’m sorry this post got written at 9pm the night before your birthday. And I’m sorry we took you to Kid Snips at 7pm on a Tuesday, and the “C Squad” botched your birthday haircut.

But boy oh boy, little boy, I couldn’t love you more. You are the snuggliest, open mouth kiss giving, tackle anything that moves, dive off the staircase and hope someone catches you, truck and train lovin’, brand of 100% little boy. ALL boy.

Before I knew you, I was terrified of you. What was I going to do with a little boy who would come in and ruffle up my perfect vision of a world full of dresses and dolls, shopping and nail polish. But little boy, I secretly love how wild you are. I love how you are rough and tumble but also so so freakin sweet that my heart swells so much I get tears in my eyes.

I love being told what a good friend you are. That you will play with anyone who has a truck 😉 That you will help me unpack and put away groceries. That you will clean up without me nagging you. That you don’t scream in the grocery store, you just quietly hand me things from the cart.

I love how you sing to yourself, and get so embarrassed when we call you out on it.

You, my sweet Bubba, make me so proud. I can’t believe how lucky we got.

As we enter the terrible twos, I hope you will always keep your kind heart, your father’s sense of humor, and I hope that you asking for “more” kisses is something that never fades away.

I love you wild man. You have my heart.



You can read Ryan’s birth story here, and some truths about motherhood and having two kids here.

Motherhood: What No One Tells You

My Instagram feed is full of new moms, fit and smiling with their babies, dressed in “real” clothes, hair done, with no sign of sleep deprivation. Who are these Supermoms, and how do I become one?

Ryan is going on day three of needing to eat EVERY HOUR. Yes, every hour. I literally nurse, close my eyes for 15 minutes, and nurse again. I have not slept. I feel like a zombie, and I’m sure that I look like one too. I am so tired. There are no words for how tired I am. But that is motherhood.

Motherhood is not glamourous. Motherhood is not makeup, and blow dried hair, and trendy workout clothes. Motherhood is exhaustion, and spit up, and tears…at least in the beginning.

And on top of all that, I am trying to recover from the enormous task of birthing a human being. I feel overweight and flabby. Maternity clothes do not fit anymore but neither do my regular clothes. I am in a clothing limbo. My pelvis hurts, I have sciatica, and my shoulders ache from nursing constantly. I so badly need a haircut and a pedicure but am not yet ready to leave the baby. I have no energy to cook anything, so I am subsiding on crackers, cereal, and coffee. The house is a mess, there is laundry that needs to be done. Having a cleaning lady has become the best money I have ever spent. I try to get sleep anyway I can. I’ve tried, unsuccessfully, to sleep sitting up. I’ve tried “laid back nursing” but have had no luck.

I find myself getting frustrated with Chloe, and her tantrums have increased. She has watched more tv in the past three weeks than I thought I’d ever allow. Her sleep schedule is off, and she’s been eating lots of frozen pancakes for dinner. Literally, frozen. She doesn’t even want them warmed up. And her pacifier habit has come back full force.

My uniform these days consists of leggings, a sweatshirt, slippers, and if I can squeeze in a shower, wet hair. Somehow, I manage to get the kids bathed and dressed each day.


Motherhood is real and raw, and not always pretty. But… it is beautiful. There is no better sound in the world than your child saying, “I love you, Mommy.” There is no better sight than your new baby looking into your eyes for the first time. Motherhood is trying and exhausting but nothing will give you more purpose, or fill your heart with more love. You will find that your life no longer really matters. Your life now revolves around the happiness of your two little loves.

Right now, it is hard, but I know that this too shall pass, as it did with the first. And eventually, I will sleep again.